Dream On Dreamer
If I were to ask you- “what is your dream?” Would you be able to rattle one off without a moment of hesitation or would you sit and ponder, wondering what to say and if you could classify that as a dream? Dreams come in so many different forms and without getting too technical with yourself, I want you to take a second to answer my question.
What is your dream?
In my 31 years, I have been asked that question many times over and every time I have hesitated, wanting to form the right answer, one that is noble and unique but that also matches my character and personality. Never once really considering myself truly into this dream I would throw out an answer and carry on. You see, I grew up in a family of realists and I never taught myself how to dream. I didn’t even necessarily know how to do so. It wasn’t until I became friends with a passionate dream chaser that I began to really see my lack of vision. I had fallen asleep at the wheel of my life and cruise control had taken over. My friend began to constantly challenge me and encourage me to dream- asking the right questions and lovingly pushing me along towards growth. How do you begin to dream? How do you take a step towards one of the scariest possibilities? How can you confidently stand in front of a crowd and say “this is what I believe I am called to do, it’s what I’m good at and it’s what I would like to do with my life!” For me, it felt wrong. It felt selfish and very prideful. How could I boast of myself in such a way?! What would others think of me? Would they scoff at me? Question my abilities and talents? Would they think I was crazy for wanting to be something so impossible?
No one questions a small child when they say they want to be an astronaut, or an actor, the president, a women’s rights activist, a singer, a brain surgeon, etc. So where did we lose the vision that anything was possible with hard work, determination and an overcoming mentality? Did it come in the moment when someone told my friend that they wouldn’t pay a cent to hear her sing? Or maybe in the moment when the doctors told my friend that she wouldn’t ever have babies? Or the moment when my student was born in a park to a woman who didn’t want to keep him and left him there alone? What about the moment when my Dad left after teaching me for years that my worth and value was directly connected to what I did for people and that I would never do enough or be enough for people to love me for who I truly was inside?
Dreams come with a price. A price that often goes unpaid. Determined to never be good enough, to listen to the critics, fearful of the scoffs our price goes unpaid in the cash register of our dreams and it dies. We get caught up in the life of those around us who “have it all together” or “are living the high life” forgetting that those are people that paid the price. They faced the critics head on and said “I don’t care what you think!” They decided that what people said about them or to them wouldn’t matter. For years I lived in a bubble of mediocrity because staying there was safer than the pain I would feel to chase after what I wanted. To follow after the no’s, to keep my head held high in the intimidating face of rejection. To recalculate the course when a wrong road was taken.
What we can forget is that in the season of waiting, we are laying the foundation that will hold what we will build. The part in the process that we lose sight on is that waiting doesn’t mean apathy. Does a farmer plant a seed and then walk away without tending to it, nurturing it in it’s growth, watering it? Of course not! So as with our dreams! In the season of waiting and not knowing - don’t stop working.
For days now I have been working. Planting, watering and weeping. The sewing season is not easy, because we are working with unknowns. I don’t know if this seed with take, but I will plant it in obedience. My heart has been heavy with the weight of uncertainty and today as I was weeping I cried out to God and said “what if this isn’t from you!? What if this isn’t even what I’m supposed to do?!”
… And then I heard it:
“what if you just asked? You aren’t even giving me a chance to say yes, because you’re not asking.”
Can we be so bold to ask?
Write it down.
Pray it boldly.
Stand confidently in who you are.