Fat Girls Club
I have been a “big girl” my entire life. So much so, that when I was born the nurse looked at my Mom and said “well, she’ll never need ski’s!” When I was in the 7th grade, I had someone ask me if I was graduating high school that year. In the 8th grade I had a boyfriend for two weeks (over spring break, secretly, cause I wasn’t allowed to date- ha! Sorry Mom) who broke up with me as soon as school was back in session because people were making fun of him for dating me. Shopping was the worst extra curricular activity I could think of because nothing fit and I quickly became a tom boy because it was the only way I could dress myself properly.
Being 6’1 in grade 8 was less than ideal and it would vastly shape who I would soon become in my coming adolescent years. After years of teeter tottering in and out of my life, filling it with toxic comments and habits, my father left just before my 16th birthday and with that began my abusive relationship with food, myself and men. Within a few short years I landed on the obese list and so began the constant comparison between me and other girls my age who seemed to be able to handle their food so much better than I could. I began to observe friends getting boyfriends and I quickly realized that boys were not into the big girl type and I put myself on the list of “never gonna happen” and kept myself there until I was 31 years old.
From failed diet to failed diet I strung myself along what I thought would be the rest of my life, unhappy and embarrassed. In between then and now there have been multiple moments of revelation, deep healing and bossy friends (just joking, I love you and needed it). I have recently purposed to try and be very intentional with my thoughts about food, myself and my life. A friend and I set out together to eat a certain way and be each others cheerleader along the way. It was in this transition that I began thinking about the whole idea of what it would be like if we could all be happy in our own skin, not looking to the right or the left in comparison, but stick in our own lane and focus on ourselves. I know what you’re thinking- that’s great Skye, join the millions of other people who are saying to just be happy in your skin- to you I say; I will, thanks.
Because IT’S TRUE.
Let me break a lie here….
As a big girl I (and I would guarantee 97% of other big girls) have thought “my skinny friends think I’m the most disgusting person in the world, they feel sorry for me and are embarrassed to be seen in public with me.” When in actuality all your smaller friends thoughts about you are about how cool you are, and how thankful they are to have you as their friend. I just feel like instead of tip toeing around this subject, with all it’s insecurities and awkwardness lets just get the elephant out in the room. We all have habits and hang ups. We all have pretty terrible insecure thoughts about ourselves and we all are our own worst critic. Big girls feel the pressure of all the fitness magazines, skinny models and clothing stores that don’t welcome their size into their stores. But guess what? All the skinny girls struggle with the same thing, so much so that they don’t know (or believe) they are skinny. What if for one hour you (regardless of your size) stepped back and thought about all the good things about yourself- about all the things that you bring to the table in yours (and others) lives!
Here, let me start with a few and get the awkwardness over:
I love that I can make my friends laugh like no tomorrow. I love their belly laughs that happen occasionally when I know I’ve really hit the jackpot on the joke. My one friend has this one laugh that comes from the deepest part of her gut and every time I hear it, it makes me smile so big. I love it so much that I can even hear it in our text messages- bonus
I love my strength- I work hard to be strong and I have finally stopped caring and embraced the shape of my body and my frame.
I love that I am observant and intentional with loving people
Awkward. But I did it, your turn- don’t chicken out. (If you really want to kick some lies out- stand naked in front of your mirror and speak it out loud to yourself) The point of all this is this: love where you’re at and everything else will come with time, intentionality and love. Stop fighting to be skinny and fighting to go to the gym like it’s a chore and hating every second of your life while you’re there. (Do not distort what I’m saying here: Be disciplined, be intentional but DON’T be cruel to yourself). Change your narrative! Find the things about yourself that you love and love them hard. Part of loving your body is blessing it for what it does for you. I have a friend who started a process in the shower where she would bless her body, i.e: “Thank you feet for all the places you have taken me and will continue to take me in my future. Thank you stomach for being a safe home for my babies to develop.” etc- cool, hey?!
There’s only one you in this world and at the end of the day, you’re stuck with yourself- no one else is. You have to be happy with you, because no one will do it for you!